Hellp with office stress

http://nintendo8.com

http://nintendo8.com

Do you remember the NES. Are you that old. Now you can play all those retro games online at this site. Very addictive. This should be on everybodys favourites.

LITTLE LEJO DJ

Yo check out little Lejo DJ the finger puppet. This world class DJ spins and scratches some nice little beats to a tiny gramophone then takes his praise.

TURNER BROWN

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down, and says:
"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner
Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.
The big guy says: "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give
you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet
tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3
pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says: "Turner Brown, Sweet Jesus, I thought you said,
"Turn around."

WET SUIT

Never,

Never,

Never,

ever...



fart in a wet suit !!!!!!!!!!

LONDON 2012 LOGO TWEAKED

SO WHO AGREES THAT THE LOGO IS SH*T

TIME FOR SOME HUMOUR

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent."

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."


I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.


I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn't put it down.


I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."


I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, "That's Aboriginal."


Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."


I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best Before End'

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."


I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"


I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.


The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."


I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."


I phoned the local builders today, I said to them "Can I have a skip outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"


This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"


I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"


I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

Warning About Bacon Grease

The question is: Do you use bacon grease?

We were raised on bacon grease (lard) as kids and even into adulthood. I will never use it again. I hope you will throw yours away whenever you fry bacon from now on. It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore.


COOKING WITH BACON GREASE

I just threw out my last 2 tbls of bacon grease!!

This is what happens when you keep cooking with bacon grease. This is a warning, send this to everyone you care about.
It could happen to you ...or them.







Bacon grease will make your feet small!! Warn everyone!!

How To Make A Cigarette Disappear The David Zanthor Way

VideoJug: How To Make A Cigarette Disappear The David Zanthor Way

How To Perform The Coin Flip Trick

THIS IS A CLEVER LITTLE COIN TRICK ANY ONE CAN MASTER WHILE AT WORK BORED OR IN THE PUB. LIKE THEY SAY MIGHT COME IN HANDY IN THE PUB IF YOUR SKINT.
VideoJug: How To Perform The Coin Flip Trick

How To Give A Goodnight Kiss

VideoJug: How To Give A Goodnight Kiss

How To Stop Laughing At An Inappropriate Time

VideoJug: How To Stop Laughing At An Inappropriate Time

LEAVING DO!

The Council has decided to finance my leaving party. We can have alcohol, but due to liability issues, we will have to be limited to one (1) drink per person. The good news is, I'm in charge of cups.

Always remember your toll money on Greek toll roads

VEGETARIAN HUMOUR

YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT

YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT

Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway-but
your waiter may know!

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH
This is pretty neat.

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST



It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read ...Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!





1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to
go out to eat..(more than once but less than 10)





2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)





3. Add 5






4. Multiply it by 50





5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1757...
If you haven't, add 1756.





6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.





7. You should have a three digit number.





8. The first digit of this was your original number. (I.e., How many
times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)




9. The next two numbers are




10. YOUR AGE ! ------ (Oh YES, it is!)




11. THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2007) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND
WHILE IT LASTS

HOW TO MAKE LOVE

Ingredients:

4 Laughing eyes

4 Well-shaped legs

4 Loving arms

2 Firm milk containers

2 Nuts

1 Firm banana

Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4 Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.


Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.

2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?


"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". (Are you doubting this?)

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to "do" this one.)

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Yes, admit it, you are going to say . a e i o u)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out)

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Now you know everything!

OPTIMUS PRIME VS BONECRUSHER

A CLIP FROM THE EAGERLY AWAITED TRANSFORMERS FILM. OPTIMUS PRIME VS BONECRUSHER