JUST A THANKS (100th post)

Just wanted to say thanks to all those people who use Killaminute for a laugh or to waste some time every now and then. This is the 100th post so didn't want to waste it with some rubbish forwarded email. Please keep them coming in and i'll keep posting them. Thanks!

How to have super strength

Afraid of Jokes

What to not say to the nice policeman.

What to not say to the nice policeman.

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good Job!

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

Bad cop! No doughnut!

You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?

I pay your salary!

So, uh, you on the take or what?

Gee, Officer! That's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around--that's how far ahead of me they are.

What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?

Potatoes!

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running they spotted a barn and ran inside.

Once inside they each hid in a old sack against the barn wall. The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious looking sacks. He walked forward and prodded the first sack with his gun. The Englishman inside said... ''Meow'.'

"Just cats," he thought.

He then prodded the second sack. The Welshman, hearing how the Englishman got off said... ''Woof'.'

"Just dogs," he thought.

As he walked towards the last sack, the Irishman worked out what he was going to say. As soon as the farmer prodded his sack he said... ''Potatoes!''

VDW: CRAZY FUKKO

Totally insane VDW: Hitman

Totally insane

Strange but true

DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:

When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: !

When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:

When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :

When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:

When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:

When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:

When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:

When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:

When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

latest fashion in Yorkshire

I know a lot of people are truly suffering and this isn't meant to cause offense but hey it is pretty funny.

13 Things PMS Stands For

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one.

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh!

...Or men who need a warning.

And remember: Money talks .... but Chocolate SINGS

How many beers cans are in the Classic Mini Cooper Boot?

Essential item for the filing cabinet!

Please send me your orders asap...........


I have compiled a Master Reference binder for all staff.
Inside this binder you will find "solutions" to everyday problems.
For example, if you are having problems with the photocopier, having difficulty dealing with colleagues, having computer problems... ....... come and get the red binder, look at the subject matter you have to deal with and it will help you find the solution to your issue.

Sick Day (Blonde joke)

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would notAllow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was"CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What areYou doing ?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearlystressed out. Go home and recuperate for a Couple of days."I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (theBlonde) followed me, the Boss said to her, "And where do you think you're going?"

(You're gonna love this...)She said,

"I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

Stupid dog

PLAY this game

This game will kill more than a minute. All kinds of online billiards

The mental train surfer

The guy feature in this video does exactly what he says he is going to do. First he leaps onto the back of a high speed train and gets himself set up. This is the bit where i think he's going to jump off!! NO!! like a nutter he then preceeds to film himself going at top speed while standing on the moving train. Somewhat dulled down my some chilled out music, almost as if he does this every day to get to work.

Urban Ninja

Hey check out the urban ninja. Especially good for those who have ever seen free running.

Check these sexy people out

How to feed 100 dogs!!

I found this video on the homepage of Youtube and is honestly the most amazing display of dog discipline I've ever seen. Forget Crufts. I couldn't get two dogs to do what this guy does. French dog handler at Chateau Chevernay feeds a large, well disciplined group of hunting dogs. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'like pack of hungry dogs'

Draw your own cartoon character!

Spend two minutes creating a character and watch it dance!!



Click to Play!

One for the ladies

1. Men are like ..Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like .......Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots . All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

The Singing Horses

Ask yourself this question, have you ever seen four horses singing in a field. Probably not cause if you had i'd be worried. UNTIL TODAY. Follow this link given to me by my dad who thinks it's great. Click the horses and let them sing to you!!

http://svt.se/hogafflahage/hogafflaHage_site/Kor/hestekor.swf

Escape Library

In this crazy little game, as you may have guest by the title you're trapped in a library with numerous random objects. To escape you must collect a set of game chips which you must then figure out what to do what to do with them. More addictive, and tricky than you may think. Try it and kill a minute.

http://www.2keysgames.com/games/escape_library.swf

GOLFING TERMS

A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out
A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A Cuban - needs one more revolution
An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
A Kate Winslett - little bit fat but otherwise perfect
A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional
A Glen Miller - kept low but didn't make it over the water
An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result
An O.J. Simpson - got away with it
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
A Robin Cook - just died on the hill
A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
A Douglas Bader - looked good in the air, but didn't have the legs
A Ken Livingstone - quite far left
A Jean-Marie LePen - a long way right
A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems
A condom - safe but didn't feel real good
A circus tent - a BIG top
A Richard Da Silva - was always going to be six inches short
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it
A Sally Gunnell - runs like crazy
A Liz McColgan - runs forever
A Brazilian - Shaves both sides of the hole
A sister in law - it's in the hole but you know it shouldn't be

NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED

Emilo Savez was critically wounded when his wife, in a fit of rage, attacked her husband with a wood axe, lodging it in his forehead. The 36 year old father of three was rushed to St.Vincent's hospital when his frantic wife called police after swinging an axe into his face. Apparently Maria Savez caught her estranged husband in bed with the family housekeeper, and in a fit of rage ran to the garage and got a wood axe, then proceeded back to their bedroom.

Once there a struggle ensued, and Mrs. Savez ended up on top of her husband, then swung the Axe and impaled Mr. Savez in his forehead.

Shocked surgeons spent six hours removing and repairing the damage from the axe, and surprisingly Mr. Savez is expected to make a full recovery.

Minor brain damage to the front temporal lobes is expected, but Mr. Savez is expected to be able to lead a normal life once his wounds have healed.

The innocence of youth

Well, of course they're scissors!!!!???
If you know someone with small children or you are a
teacher.....you will love this! Do you have a pair like these?
I can certainly imagine seeing this one proudly displayed on the
mother's fridge at home...

Quote from the mum:

"This is my kindergartener's artistic rendering of a pair of
scissors.
I wonder what his teacher thought! I allowed myself just a small
smirk when I saw it. I waited until he was out of the room
before I started crying, from laughing so hard."

Wii Fit Parody

Wii Fit combines the perfect balance of barely moving, and doing mundane things.

The Lego Beer Song

Not sure if this is funny or if these guys just had too much time on their hands but hey you decide.

THE POWER OF MAKE UP

STAG DO

One of the guys here at work just came back from a 4 day stag do.
Basically they rented a midget for the 4 days and handcuffed him to
the stag. They painted the midget blue and dressed him like a smurf
and the poor guy had to be handcuffed 24 hours of the day for 4
days to the stag. The guys on the stag paid for all the midget's
food and drink and paid for his flight etc (cost around £850 if you
wanted to do the same) but the guy had to do everything with the
stag....eat, drink, swim, shower, sleep, wee etc etc.


This has got to be the funniest Stag prank I have ever
seen....please can I just say that no midgets were harmed during
the weekend.


Enjoy the photo!!!

A TRUE PLAYA

> One evening, Mike went over to his friend, Terry`s, house to play
> cards with some friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry`s wife.
> Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he
> looked across the table he saw that Terry`s wife had her legs wide
> open and no panties on. He sat up and was flushed. He went into the
> kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise, Terry`s wife had
> followed him into the kitchen and said "Did you like what you saw?"
> Mike said "Yes, I did!" Terry`s wife said "Well, you can get more than

> that but it will cost you $500." So Mike thought about his financial
> situation and said okay. She said "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because
> Terry will be at work." Mike said "I`ll see you then." The next day
> Mike went over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left. Later Terry
> came home and asked "Has Mike been over here today?" Thinking she had
> been caught, she said "As a matter of fact, he did."
>
> Terry said "Good, because that fool came by my job this morning and
> asked to borrow $500 until this evening, and he said he would leave it

> with you."
>
> Now, that's a true playa!