Maria's wedding night

Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was
still a virgin.
On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very
nervous.
Her mother reassured her, "Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.
Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta."

So, uppa she went.
When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy
chest.
Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a
big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Maria," says the mother, "all good men have hairy chests.
Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."

So, uppa she went again.
When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his
hairy legs.
Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother.
"Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go
upstairs and he'll take good care of you."

So, uppa she went again.
When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was
missing three toes.
When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.
"Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"
Her mama said, "Stay down here and stir the pasta.

This is awesome. Is it a frog or a horse???? Keep eye on it.

This is awesome. Is it a frog or a horse???? Keep eye on it.

WWW.SINGLETIM.BLOGSPOT.COM

THIS SITE IS A MUST SEE.

WWW.SINGLETIM.BLOGSPOT.COM

This is my friend Tim and he has a problem.

He has a house!

He has a dog!

HE HAS NO WOMAN!

Although he doesn't know it yet, me and a few others have put together this mission to turn this unlucky in love dude into the most asked out person in the world - he he!!

OK, so what we need to you to do is to email a quick date proposal for Tim to

mrbcollins.singletim@blogger.com

We accept invites from Men, women and beasts but please keep it as clean as possible as inappropriate posts will be deleted. Please note that we are unable to track the email your invite has come from so without you leaving your name no one will know that the invite is from you, so your privacy is guaranteed.

It is up to you if you leave your name or not at the bottom of your date proposal but we do ask that you start with '..Tim and (yourname’s) online date in your subject line and have an date idea in mind and it can be as crazy as you like. Your invite will immediately appear on line so you can check it out pretty much straight away.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INVITE & PLEASE FORWARD THIS SITE TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN

Bear in mind that this is only an experiment and a bit of fun. Those people genuinely interested in dating our Tim can email him at singletim@gmail.com

I want to see this counter hit 1000000 hits so if you're not going to ask out Tim please forward this to as many people as you can.

Some more rude pctures

Beer or Make up

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Is this referee gay

Do you think there's any chance this referee isn't gay. I suppose he could be practising for a ballet he's performing in. Still pretty usual to see a football ref behaving this way.

Apples and Grapes!

My last post may offend some football loving women so i've posted this to admit that yes, us men are sh##s. If this picture isn't clear enough for you then just click the image to enlarge it.

Football videos

ERRRMMMM.... not really one for the ladies i doubt. not that i'm sexist but fights on the football pitch wouldn't interested most women i know.



This collection of football comedy moments has proved to be a success on youtube as well

funny cats

weird al yankovic fat

the best double entendres on British television EVER

• Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1’s UK eclipse coverage remarked “They seem cold out there, they’re rubbing each other and he’s just come in his shorts”
• Ken Brown commenting on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish open: “Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.”
• Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: “Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’s misses every chance he gets.”
• Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards tyre choice on World Superbike racing: “Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wishes he had a hard on now.”
• Chris Tarrant discussing the first millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: “She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night.”
• Winning Post’s Stewart Machin commenting on jockey Tony McCoy’s formidable lead. “Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees.”
• Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond. “Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg.”
• Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe, “With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off.”
• Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: “ There’s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.”
• James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix asked: “What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello.”
• Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: “Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69”
• The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott’s breathe away…” My word,” he said. “Look at that magnificent erection”
• Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: “They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions”
• A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked, “So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night.”
• US PGA commentator- “One of the reasons Arnie is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.”
• Metro Radio- “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they have 11 Dicks on the pitch.”
• Harry Carpenter at the Ox-bridge boat race 1977- “Ah, isn’t that nice. The wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford Crew.”
• Ted Walsh- Horse Racing commentator- “This is a really lovely horse. I once rode her mother.”
• New Zealand Rugby commentator- “Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside him.”
• Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator- “And this is Gregoriava of Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing

Close up picture of a seahorse

THE GINGER FAMILY!!

New releases from waterstones!!

too cute

In a zoo in California a mother tiger gave birth to cubs.

Unfortunately, due to complications the cubs were born premature and

subsequently died shortly after birth. The mother tiger then started to

decline in health - vets felt that the loss of her litter had caused
the
tigress to fall into depression.

After checking with other zoos, they could not find any other cubs to

introduce to the mourning mother. Instead, some orphan piglets were

found - dressed appropriately and the tiger had her cubs and the

piglets had a mum.

Lo and behold it worked..........too cute!!

Forbidden Love

They were together in the house...

Just the two of them...

It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.

She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance....and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the storm.

She wanted that ... more than anything.

Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out.... She screamed...

He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.

He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.

He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back.

He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.

The storm raged on...as did their growing passion. And there came a moment when each knew that they had to be together.

They knew it was wrong ...

Their families would never understand ... So consumed were they in their passion that they heard no opening of doors ... just the faint click of a camera ....

Their secret was out …

Signs to Admire

The donkey

A young man named Gordon bought a donkey from an old farmer for £100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, but when the farmer drove up he said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news... the donkey is on my truck, but unfortunately he's dead.

Gordon replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "I can't do that, because I've spent it already."

Gordon said, "OK then, well just unload the donkey anyway."

The farmer asked, "What are you going to do with him?"

Gordon answered, "I'm going to raffle him off."

To which the farmer exclaimed, "Surely you can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

But Gordon, with a wicked smile on his face said, "Of course I can, I just won't bother to tell anybody that he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Gordon and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Gordon said, "I raffled him off, sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece, and made a huge, fat profit!!"

Totally amazed, the farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?"

To which Gordon replied, "The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him his £2 raffle ticket money back plus an extra £200 which, as you know, is double the going rate for a donkey, so he thought I was a great guy!!

Gordon grew up and eventually became the Chancellor of the Exchequer, and no matter how many times or how much money he stole from the British voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen money, most of them still thought he was a great guy.

The moral of this story is that, if you think Gordon is about to play fair and do something for the everyday people of the country for once in his life, think again my friend, because you'll be better off flogging a dead donkey.

The Tomato Garden

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his
tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son,
Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincenzo,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant
my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a
garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you
would dig the garden for me.

Love, Papa

---

A few days later he received a reply from his son.

Dear Papa,

I'd do anything for you Papa, except dig up that garden. That's where
I buried the bodies.

Love, Vinnie

---

At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the
entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man
and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under
the circumstances!

Love, Vinnie

Goodbye Chelsea,

THE VENTRILOQUIST

>An English ventriloquist visiting Wales walks into a small village and
>sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.
>
>He figures he'll have some fun, so he says to the Welshman "Can I talk
>to your dog?"
>
>
>
>Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid git"
>
>
>
>Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?
>
>
>
>Dog: "Doin' alright"
>
>
>
>Villager: (Look of extreme shock)
>
>
>
>Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?"
>
>(Pointing at the villager)
>
>
>
>Dog: "Yep"
>
>
>
>Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
>
>
>
>Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and
>takes me to the lake once a week to play"
>
>
>
>Villager: (Look of disbelief)
>
>
>
>Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
>
>
>
>Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either. I think"
>
>
>
>Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
>
>
>
>Horse: "Cool"
>
>
>
>Villager: (Absolutely dumfounded)
>
>
>
>Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the villager)
>
>
>
>Horse: "Yep"
>
>
>
>Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
>
>
>
>Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes

>me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements"
>
>
>
>Villager: (Total look of amazement)
>
>
>
>Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
>
>
>
>Villager: (In a panic) "The sheep's a liar."

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Pictures for you!!

Naughty Cakes- disturbing

I couldn't bring myself to eat it!!