the best double entendres on British television EVER

• Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1’s UK eclipse coverage remarked “They seem cold out there, they’re rubbing each other and he’s just come in his shorts”
• Ken Brown commenting on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish open: “Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.”
• Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: “Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’s misses every chance he gets.”
• Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards tyre choice on World Superbike racing: “Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wishes he had a hard on now.”
• Chris Tarrant discussing the first millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: “She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night.”
• Winning Post’s Stewart Machin commenting on jockey Tony McCoy’s formidable lead. “Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees.”
• Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond. “Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg.”
• Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe, “With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off.”
• Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: “ There’s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.”
• James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix asked: “What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello.”
• Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: “Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69”
• The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott’s breathe away…” My word,” he said. “Look at that magnificent erection”
• Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: “They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions”
• A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked, “So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night.”
• US PGA commentator- “One of the reasons Arnie is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.”
• Metro Radio- “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they have 11 Dicks on the pitch.”
• Harry Carpenter at the Ox-bridge boat race 1977- “Ah, isn’t that nice. The wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford Crew.”
• Ted Walsh- Horse Racing commentator- “This is a really lovely horse. I once rode her mother.”
• New Zealand Rugby commentator- “Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside him.”
• Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator- “And this is Gregoriava of Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing