GOLFING TERMS

A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out
A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A Cuban - needs one more revolution
An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
A Kate Winslett - little bit fat but otherwise perfect
A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional
A Glen Miller - kept low but didn't make it over the water
An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result
An O.J. Simpson - got away with it
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
A Robin Cook - just died on the hill
A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
A Douglas Bader - looked good in the air, but didn't have the legs
A Ken Livingstone - quite far left
A Jean-Marie LePen - a long way right
A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems
A condom - safe but didn't feel real good
A circus tent - a BIG top
A Richard Da Silva - was always going to be six inches short
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it
A Sally Gunnell - runs like crazy
A Liz McColgan - runs forever
A Brazilian - Shaves both sides of the hole
A sister in law - it's in the hole but you know it shouldn't be